To Have And Have Not
by Basmathgirl
Summary: Donna was supposed to return to useless obscurity after her mindwipe; but what if that wasn't the case? Someone out there worships her.
**Warning:** angst
 **Summary:** Donna was supposed to return to useless obscurity; but what if that wasn't the case? Someone out there worships her.  
 **Disclaimer:** the only thing I had any control and ownership over are my deeply angsty thoughts.  
 **A/N:** I've taken my story **Lucy In The Sky** and slightly rejigged it for this companion piece. Just the sort of thing you want to dream up on Valentine's Day... not. If the angst returns, I might write the longer version of this tale one day.

* * *

 **To Have And Have Not**

.

It was done. Outside the Tardis doors lay Bad Wolf Bay, but only for another few seconds. Once the blue button was pressed it would cease to exist for the pair within the console room. Donna stood helpfully on the other side to the Doctor, waiting for his instructions as to where they were off to next.

She tried to pretend that there was a destination for her to consider, but there was no denying it; the end for her was drawing ever nearer. Her metacrisis other half had a greater chance of survival. After all, he had been re-programmed to fulfil some plan that had one point seemed totally feasible and logical to her; but all that was starting to slip away as her mind crumbled. May God let him stay safe and not fall into scheming enemy hands, she silently prayed for him. She did not dare pray for herself but instead her next thoughts were for her best friend.

Stay strong, she kept telling herself. Any moment now the Doctor would falter as grief hit him. She'd seen him tackle grief before, but this would be a different type of grief; one of loss and requited love snatched away. It didn't matter that he had chosen the method of being ripped apart this time; because that had been his only consolation. The universe would not allow him his slice of happiness. Poor sod! He'd risked everything to keep Rose by his side for as long as possible, had held Rose within his arms again, and now he was left with the booby prize.

As Donna watched, the Doctor stumbled away from the console and entered his deep dark thoughts. It was coming, she could feel it and this time she was powerless to help him. Even drawing breath was starting to hurt. It was better if he didn't see that; it would only make it harder for him later when he returned to being alone.

A sob tried to force its way up and out of her throat, but she wasn't having that! Her job was to remain strong and not burden him anymore than was necessary. What she wanted and what she got were two very different matters, but she'd be blowed if he was made to suffer even an iota more than he should thanks to her stupid antics. And her antics had been stupid. Who in their right mind reaches out to an unknown entity like that? It had caused the Duplicate to spring into life as a human, and boy had he hated that! Instead he should have been a full Time Lord. Another poor sod who had had his day ruined.

Pushing herself forward, she frantically tried to gain control of the situation by twirling a dial on the console. If she could do that, she could overcome it, surely? Not that she had much control over what spewed out of her mouth. What the hell was she going on about? It was almost a blessing when her motor skills hit a glitch and she got stuck on the word 'binary'.

She almost got away with it too, but the Doctor chose that moment to pull himself temporarily out of his fug and apply some logic to the situation. In next to no time he descended on her, ignoring her cries to leave her be as she fought to go the way in which she wanted. He won, of course; and she sort of let him. She would do practically anything to let him win to save his sanity. It didn't do her many favours though, and she slid into blackness as her known life ebbed away.

The Doctor stood numbly in his shirt sleeves, almost completely soaked through but hardly feeling a jot. The room felt cavernous and empty without them in there; without her. Although he wavered between which 'her' he was referring to. Is it worse to give away a life or take away a life? All he knew was deep excruciating pain within his hearts as they broke apart.

Nothing was right; nothing felt right in her life. Something vital was missing, Donna was sure of it. She tried to paper over the cracks, found a man who could tolerate her in return, who felt equally lost in a society that worshipped coupledom. A co-conspirator, who took some persuading that she was the one to help him escape the jibes that infected his life. As things turned out, he was proved wrong, because they never made it passed the wedding ceremony.

Story of her life, that.

The sense of doomed increased on her wedding day, just as she opened that envelope with the lottery ticket and heard a familiar sound from a distant memory. Immediately the word 'cheapskate' had been replaced by the words 'buying me off' as she held the slip of paper within her fingers and the neurons in her brain fired in a long forgotten way. Sent into the abyss of living but not living, imprisoned by actions committed long ago. Life faded out and purgatory faded in, keen to replace real life, and shutting off the blinding pain in her head, to allow her to float away.

.

The young male nurse was nice, she decided as she contemplated him. Nurse Rory Williams. He'd been making an effort to get her to eat. Fat chance! She always liked that he made the effort despite her determination not to survive without… And that was the point at which her mind would shut off, preventing her from knowing exactly what or who she was missing. But she had the odd lucid moment when something seeped through, adding a clue to her past existence. It felt good when that happened, but it was also exhausting, and her body would quickly power down, leaving her weak.

Yet Rory battled on, trying to get her to remember the merest snippet; because he loved his fiancée Amy, and wanted her to feel validated about an incident in her past that had torn her life apart. It really was becoming a common problem, Donna idly noted to herself.

Years it went on like this, trapped inside an alternate reality, refusing food and water, fighting to retain herself as she drifted through life. And then that fateful day happened. The one where it all ended. That is, the human life she had coexisted in ended, finally; and she finally regained some important memories. With the memories came the reason for her sacrifice. He had appeared in her head, an image as clear as the nose on your face. She knew his name, her connection to him, and all the pain that revelation inflicted upon her psyche.

After her initial scream, you would have thought that that would have been it. A jab in the arm with a sedative, her heart fit to burst with emotion, and her willpower to save the only son she had ever held in the real world; forcing her life force towards him with every ounce of her strength. The problem had come from her sedated state and her physical weakness. Thinking about it, he had never stood a chance. Nor had she, left in that hospital bed. But the universe wanted to offer her some consolation; some crumb of compassion. It sent the Abagcini; or rather, the Abagcini Unkulunkulukazi to be more precise with their title. All that mattered when their forms appeared at the end of her bed was that they proclaimed themselves to be her main fan club. Well, sort of.

The drugs they dish out in hospital can be pretty potent, so of course she thought she was hallucinating when she saw three plant forms standing by her bed when she woke up after the screaming incident. Her whole mind had been full of thoughts about giving in up until she opened her eyes. In truth, she wanted to die; her heart had been too badly broken. There was nothing left for her to stay for anymore.

It was the smell of a distinctive type of wood that forced her eyes open, and drew her attention. Teak, her senses told her as she breathed in deeply to examine the odour. Not an unpleasant smell, but not exactly expected inside a hospital psychiatric ward. As she gazed at the three life forms, taking in their height, their reverent posture, and the odd squeak of sap that filtered out, one of them spoke. "Greetings."

"Hello," she cautiously replied. Her throat was tight and painful, making the sound more of a rasp then a true word.

Never mind. The beings seemed pleased with her response, and introduced themselves. "We are the Abagcini Unkulunkulukazi." They all then did the tree equivalent of a low bow. "We have come from afar to see you."

That much was obvious, she sarcastically commented to herself, but it didn't explain much. "Why?" she managed to push out. She would have also have sat up to ask her question but it was all too much for her fragile body.

"To collect you at your point of death," one of them stated matter of factly.

Well, she considered, to them it wasn't anything to get sentimental about. Grief was a human emotion, but they weren't human; and nor was she anymore. Not completely. With this realisation came the memories she had been dampening down. A rush of images, friends, creatures and adventures. And in the midst of all this, one particular male alien. Her friend, her best friend and travelling companion. Now the eternal sense of loss made sense. The knowledge of all that she had lost was back and here to stay, for the rest of her existence.

The Abagcini were still looking at her expectantly as her skin began to glow and the heat in her head intensified. It would be only seconds now; she had to know. "What do you need me for?" she breathily asked through the pain that wanted to rip her apart.

"For this," an Abagcini stated. "You will release unwanted energy when you die."

The glow was pushing her out of the bed, forcing her to stand on wavering legs, as the heat surged through her body. It would vent away, harming anything that touched her, trying to heal her broken body and make it Gallifreyan. But it would fail. Her biology wasn't quite right, unfortunately. The Gallifreyan DNA in her body was only there by accident. A coincidence, or destiny, depending upon your viewpoint. None of this changed the fact that she would burn up and die at any second; and these Abagcini wanted to use her.

"What do you need it for?" she was able to query. If their reason was destructive she would keep all the power to herself, and sod them coming across galaxies to find her. They could jog on!

"Our home world is dying," the middle Abagcini explained. "We need your energy force to give us life, save our children, and restore our world. We the Abagcini Unkulunkulukazi know of You from when You saved the universe. We have followed Your lessons and lived our lives in praise of You. We were given a new prophecy that told us You will save us one more time."

She'd heard about such prophecies before, and didn't trust them further than she could throw them. But she could save a whole world and this wouldn't be a futile, unproductive death? Made sense to her. It'd be like donating her organs; and she'd joined the register for that when she'd got her driving licence years ago. "It's yours," she bit out through another roar of agony as she battled to hold on long enough to help them.

One of them held up a special container. A sort of battery charger, she reasoned as the burning energy within her made everything else an involuntary action. Letting it go, the glow intensified to consume her body, biting and burning every cell. Her last conscious action was to move and direct her arm towards the Abagcinis' energy receptacle. This had to work. It just had to.

The very last thing she heard was one of the Abagcini telling her, "We will return the Doctor Donna to Her place, in the Afterlife, and carry out Her last wish. Farewell."

Thankfully the pain was replaced by darkness. Deep, encompassing darkness that swept everything else away.

I'm dead, she thought. Had her last wish been fulfilled? She had wanted the Doctor to be reunited with his beloved Rose. If all of this had started in the first place because he wanted Rose back with his current form, then she wanted him to get the chance before his own death took place. It might be brief, but it would give him a happy end.

.

At exactly the same moment, the Tenth Doctor was horrified when a woman appeared and slumped to the floor of the TARDIS in front of him. Where had she come from? Who was she? How had this happened? Nobody had managed to do this other than Donna. That painful memory was hastily bitten down on and he returned his attention to this latest puzzle. He edged closer to the crumpled heap on the floor, and peeked over her shoulder to look at her face. There was a familiar quality to her features but he didn't immediately recognise her. She was dressed in a calf length crimplene dress, her grey hair styled into short curling waves, and her face was caked in makeup. Obviously her eyesight was no longer any good but she was used to applying a great deal.

Whatever had teleported her there had also caused her to go out cold. Hopefully there wasn't a further injury, like a broken hip or arm. "Are you alright?" he asked as he knelt to delicately touch her shoulder in order to turn her body.

There was a groan as she slightly rolled, and her features could be seen more easily.

The Doctor gasped in horror, and backed away, holding his hand over his mouth to keep in the scream of recognition. The woman looked as though she were in her 80s but that didn't stop him from knowing this was Rose Tyler.

"Rose?" he faintly asked.

"Doctor?" She was coming around now, and her eyes opened to regard him. Those eyes were now yellowed with age, and the deep lines on her face spoke of a life led in hard circumstances. "Is it really you?"

"It's me." He gave her a reassuring nod, and then held out a hand to help her up. "You've changed a bit."

"You haven't," she noted as she took in his still spritely appearance. "Time runs much faster in the other universe."

Not half, he wanted to comment, but held it in. Now that he had calmed down and had touched her body again, he could feel the limited amount of time she had left. The once vibrant young girl he had once known had only a short while before he said goodbye for the final time. Holding in a deep sigh, he wrapped her frail arm around his, and proposed, "Why don't we go and talk about this over a nice cup of tea? You must have lots to tell me."

Her ready nod was all he wanted in that moment.

.

Far far away, across the galaxy and dimensions, Donna found her dark world was slowly brightening. Somebody somewhere had their finger on the dimmer switch, letting this new world dance along her senses.

She was standing in a meadow of long red grass, blown softly by a light breeze. In the distance were twin mountains that she felt she ought to be able to recognise; but she wasn't worried about the faltering memory this time. Instead she felt completely at peace.

"Mum! Mother!" a voice behind her called out, getting more distressed the longer she took to turn and face him. "Donna!"

It wasn't that hard to recognise that the voice belonged to the Metacrisis Doctor. Her son, albeit in a very roundabout way; now sounding as youthful as she wanted him to be. With a mischievous grin on her face, she eventually turned to see him trailing through the long grass towards her, and a face-splitting smile burst out to greet her. "So which one am I?" she pondered fondly. "Which one did you decide on?"

He reached her at that point, and held out a hand to grasp a hold of her fingers. "Mum," he told her sincerely. "I called you 'Mum', and I became Joshua Noble."

"Quite right too," she happily agreed, giving his hand a squeeze as memories of her virtual son flitted through her mind. "I tried to save you," she sadly added. "I didn't want you to die."

"I know you didn't," he commented. "I could feel you trying, but it didn't work. Some creatures turned up at the last minute, calling themselves the Abagcini Unkulunkulukazi. They said they needed our help and brought me here when it was over. Don't blame yourself. Please don't."

"I'll try not to," she vowed, wiping away the tears that had suddenly appeared on her cheeks.

"Oh Mum," he compassionately gasped, and folded her up into a comforting hug. "It's you and me again, fighting for the universe."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," she assured him.

Held within her son's arms, she knew it to be the truth. She may not have gained the love of a husband and children as she had once desired, but she now had family love.


End file.
